


Half Full

by Of_Quirky_Excellence



Series: Half Full And Related Works [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Adventure, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama & Romance, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-29 06:02:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_Quirky_Excellence/pseuds/Of_Quirky_Excellence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As children growing up in the Circle of Magi, Jowan always told Maeve Amell that the glass was half full, not half empty. Years later, after the tables have turned, and Maeve, despite her youth and emotional tendencies, is destined to save Ferelden, Maeve discovers Jowan, broken and alone, and reminds him why she was so fond of him to start. Amell/Jowan, will feature Surana later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nightmares And The Miracle Urn

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to post some of my stuff here as well as FF! :)

Maeve Amell tossed and turned in her bedroll restlessly. It had been a week since the First Enchanter and several other Circle mages who were lucky enough to have survived the event of Uldred's possession had conducted a ritual to free Connor from the demon's grasp. The Grey warden had persuaded Irving to allow Jowan to be the one to enter the Fade and kill the demon. He had been successful, and the boy was freed from the demon, but of course the guards had whisked Jowan away and back down to the Arl's dungeons as soon as he awoke, and Maeve hadn't gotten a chance to speak to her former best friend. This caused her to be frequently depressed and anxious. Alistair had tried to speak to her a few times about it, but she had only snapped at him and treated him coldly.

The Grey Wardens were on their way back to Redcliffe with the urn of Sacred Ashes. Maeve had seen an apparition of Jowan in the gauntlet and he-no, it, had given her an amulet with the symbol of the Chantry on the front. but on the back, there was a shiny mirror, but instead of her own reflection, when she looked into it very deeply, she could, just for a moment at a time, see a glimpse of Jowan's face, smiling and encouraging her. She always wore this amulet of Reflection, and it was always under her robes, close to her heart.

Leliana woke her up at dawn. Maeve had tears in her eyes. "Maeve, you've been crying! What's wrong, cherie?" asked the bard.

The Warden, whose ginger colored hair was just a shade darker than Leliana's and blue eyes shone brightly in the moonlight that crept through the tent's door, sat up and sniffled. She brushed a few tears away with the back of her hand.

"I had a dream Jowan was made Tranquil…it's the third time this week." she cried.

"Oh, ma Cherie!" Leliana hugged the Grey Warden and Maeve cried into the other redhead's shoulder. Alistair walked into the tent after a few moments. He looked silently at the two women, one of which was sobbing softly into the shoulder of the other.

"As much as I hate to…interrupt," he said. "We should really be heading back to Redcliffe. We're only a few hours away."

Maeve looked up and sniffled. "Give me five minutes and I'll be out." she spoke softly.

His expression softened a little bit and he nodded. "I'll be waiting with the others. We've packed up the campsite and we're ready to go."

Leliana and Maeve waited for the former Templar to take his leave and then they got fully dressed in their armor and robes. Before heading out, Leliana asked, "Do you want to talk about Jowan?"

"Why?" replied Maeve sharply. "Talk does nothing. She placed her magical staff in its usual spot, strapped to the back of her mage robes.

"I just thought you might like to…the two of you were so close…" Leliana trailed off.

"Were?!" Maeve raised her voice a little more than she'd intended. "We were inseparable, we were like two souls joined to one! I…I love him." Then she started to cry again as the truth came out at long last, this time more loudly, showing her true distress.

"Oh, Maeve…" the bard went to put a hand on the mage's shoulder to console her.

"I've always loved him!" Maeve cried. "And now we'll never have a chance…he will be dead, or worse, he'll be Tranquil, and there's nothing in the world I can do to save him!" Then she lowered her voice. "If he is taken from me I swear I shall never love again."

Leliana sighed and hugged the younger girl again. "He deserves your love, Maeve. And he deserves a chance to make his life right in the eyes of the Maker."

Maeve sniffled and nodded slightly. "But what can I do? Jowan is doomed by the Chantry, condemned by the Templars, if the arl's men don't kill him first, and who knows what in the eyes of the Maker!"

Leliana paused, deep in thought. "Wait, couldn't you make him a Grey Warden?"

"You mean conscript him? Do you think Arl Eamon would even allow it? I know Alistair would never forgive me." Maeve said softly.

"Well, Arl Eamon has to allow it. The Grey Wardens can conscript anyone, can't they? Even a king or the Chantry could not deny them the Right of Conscription, correct?" Asked Leliana.

"I…suppose you're right!" Maeve said, but then she went pale, a look of dread appearing on her face. "But I don't want to put Jowan through the Joining! It's agonizingly painful even if you survive, and the Nightmares are something I wouldn't wish on anyone!"

Leliana sighed. "I see where you're coming from, but in case the Arl refuses to let him go, I wouldn't eliminate the Right of Conscription as a last resort. It's better than being made Tranquil, no?"

"I suppose it is." Maeve concluded. She wiped away the last of her tears and they moved outside. Her Mabari, Mouse, named after the demon she'd met in the Fade, greeted her by trotting up and nuzzling her arm. Alistair and Sten packed up their tent and belongings.

Then the Wardens led their companions along the way towards Redcliffe castle. It was about a three hour journey to the castle. When the group arrived, Bann Teagan was waiting with Isolde and Connor in the main hall. Everything sort of went by in a blur as Alistair told the handsome Bann that they had the Ashes. Then they walked up the stairs. Leliana and Morrigan walked behind Maeve and Alistair ahead, with Teagan and Isolde, who held the hand of young Connor, anxiously as they all made their way to the Arl's bedroom which was up several long flights of stairs.

There were a few Circle Mages waiting for them when they reached the door to the Arl's bedroom. Teagan and Isolde entered the room, followed by everyone else, including the four mages from the circle. Maeve did not bother to look at their faces to see if she recognized any of them from her years as a Circle apprentice. She had been a talented apprentice, and she and another girl, Fen'Asha Surana, an elven apprentice, had been Irving's star could teach them anything, except how to get along with each other. The one link between them had been Jowan, who had been a good friend to both of them, and often kept the peace between them. Fen'Asha had betrayed them, however, and informed Irving of their plan to destroy Jowan's phylactery and run away, thus causing Maeve to hate Surana even more.

There were so many emotions rushing through Amell's head as they revived the Arl. When he began to stir, all eyes were on him, even the sea-blue eyes of the red-haired Grey Warden. The formerly comatose nobleman would be deciding the fate of the man she loved, and she was not eager to conscript Jowan unless she absolutely had no choice. She watched in bitter silence as Isolde fussed over her husband and she got a pit in her stomach. Why was this sniveling, heartless shrew allowed to be with the man she loved, even though she was nearly as responsible for his illness as Jowan was?

Maeve frowned at the pair and turned away. Her priorities, she knew, were to save Ferelden and end the Blight, but it was hardly fair. She was eighteen years old, had barely been out of the Tower a few months and she had far too many other things-normal, eighteen-year-old girl things, to worry about. She was hardly world-saving material.

The others didn't really notice as she withdrew from the group and she slunk off, out of the Arl's room and down the flights of stairs the way they came. The troubled Warden made her way past guards and servants on the first floor, then she entered the final, gloomy stair well that led to the dungeon. Attempting to slip past a guard who appeared to be sleeping on the job, she nearly tripped over the poor idiot's boots.

"You blasted abomination!" she cried as she caught herself on a chain hanging from the wall of the dungeon's corridor. She'd only said this because it was common slang to call somebody an abomination. It was the most offending word she could think of at that very moment. She immediately regretted her choice of words as she heard a startled gasp and the shuffling of exhausted feet and a chain coming from a cell.

His cell.


	2. Bittersweet Reunion

"Miss, you shouldn't be down here…wait, I know you…you're the Grey Warden, yes?" the guard questioned her sleepily, sounding slightly drunk as well.

"Yes, and you will let me see the prisoner or else the Arl will hear of your carelessness." Maeve said fiercely.

"You know the mage, I take it?" he asked, straightening up his posture quickly in his chair.

"Not that it is any of your business, but yes. Let me speak to him, bring me some food to give to him and your job will be in no danger from me." Maeve instructed.

"I cannot let you in his cell-"the guard was cut off by Maeve's sharp, crisp tone.

"You will do as I have asked! He cannot escape and he will not dare attack me." she snapped.

"Right…" The guard looked tired still, and sounded defeated. He stood up and led her around the corner and Maeve rushed to the bars. It was so dark, she could only see Jowan's grey eyes glistening in the dark. He came closer, as close as the chain attached to his right ankle would allow and stepped into the light of the torch outside the cell.

"Maeve?" he said softly. "Maeve, what are you doing down here? You shouldn't have come. Don't you have a world to save?"

He staggered a little against the chain and leaned on the bars of the cell for support, and she clasped her hands over his, and the raven-haired mage's eyes widened. startled by her sudden movement.

"One person at a time," she smiled slightly, a sad look came over her bright blue eyes as she took in the battered and broken man before her.

"You cannot save me, Maeve. You're a better person, and a better mage, than I could ever hope to be…and I have been a lousy friend to you."

The guard unlocked the cell. When the door opened, Maeve stepped in. the guard left to get the food, closing and locking the door behind him.

Jowan's words caught Maeve off guard. The tables had turned and now she felt like the lousy friend. He spoke so lowly of himself. Where was his will to live? She began to panic a little. What if he didn't even want her to help him? Was he accepting the grim fate that was surely ahead of him?

She reached for his shoulder with one hand. He flinched and his face looked pained and ghostly pale. "Oh, Jowan!" she started to cry and then threw her arms around him in a tight embrace. He accepted her weakly. the former apprentice was tired and sickly from his long stay in the Arl's dungeon.

"I'm sorry." he said simply and sadly.

Her tears started to trickle down onto his shoulder, staining what was left of his blue and purple apprentice robes. Then she pulled away slightly, looking upon him with sorrow, and she shook her head.

"No, Jowan. No, I won't let them hurt you anymore." she replied.

"Nobody is hurting me now," Jowan replied. Although it was true, (nobody had laid a malicious hand on the mage since Maeve's initial arrival, by her own request,) the damage was already done. He had many blood stains on his torn robes, dirt and bruises on his face, and a very distrustful disposition. Nobody had hurt him since he'd been allowed to enter the Fade, but no attention had been given to the wounds he bore either.

"And they won't ever again!" she said. She let him go and sat down. Slowly and painfully he joined her on the cold, hard floor. There wasn't even a pile of hay for the imprisoned mage to sleep on.

"You know what they'll do…" he trailed off, dread and sorrow in his soft-spoken voice. "They will make me Tranquil, or if I'm lucky, the Arl will have some mercy and I will be executed."

Maeve shook her head. "Not of I have anything to say about it, Jowan. I'll find a way to right all the wrongs life has done on you, I promise."

He took her hand, surprising her a little this time, and squeezed it tenderly. "I screwed up, Maeve. You shouldn't be the one to suffer as I can see you are. It's something I brought on myself, with the secrecy, the blood magic! You can't blame yourself. Let it be me, let me pay for my crimes!"

"You shouldn't have to…" she answered. "You made some mistakes, Jowan. Some people are never going to forgive you, but I will," Maeve squeezed Jowan's hand tighter. "Because…I care for you, Jowan. More than you'll ever know. If they do kill you…one way or another, I can never forgive myself."

He looked rather confused now. "But why? Why, Maeve? There are so many other people in this world, and you'll get to meet them all! You'll get to be free and see the world and-"

"And it's all because of you!" she cried. "If it weren't for you, Jowan, I'd still be stuck in that dingy old Tower! You saved me from that life! As you used to tell me, the glass is half full, not half empty! Remember?"

"I…I never thought of it that way. I used to say that about social situations at the Tower, Maeve…" He looked deep in thought.

"It's a beautiful philosophy. You gave that to me, Jowan! You've given me so much!" she said, sniffling.

"And you've given me more than I could ever ask for; you've been a dear, dear friend, better than I ever deserved." he replied as he slowly reached his hand up to wipe away some of the fountain of tears on her face.

They were interrupted by a familiar voice, softly addressing Maeve.

"I thought I might find you here," said the Orlesian bard with a sad tone of voice. "The Arl wants to see you. Both of you."


	3. Conscription

Jowan went even paler than before. A guardsman appeared at Leliana's side, the same one Maeve had caught sleeping on the job. He held a tray with bread, a thin strip of ham and a glass of water on it.

"You have five minutes, then you'd best head up to the hall and I will take the mage upstairs to have his fate decided." The guard said. He opened the door to the cell and handed the tray to Maeve. She nodded her thanks and he stepped back, giving the two mages some space.

Maeve turned to face Jowan and passed the tray to him. She finally looked her old friend in the eyes and he smiled slightly, but still with a sad glimmer in his grey eyes. He ate quickly, knowing full well the meager helpings could be his last meal. Once he finished chugging the water from the cup he put the tray on the floor.

"I want you to promise me something, Maeve." He said softly. He knew Leliana and the guard were waiting outside, and that the Arl wouldn't wait forever.

"Jowan…I-" he cut her off abruptly.

"No matter what happens to me, I want you to know that you have changed my life for the better and you're destined to do great things. I couldn't be more proud to have known you. But promise me you won't remember me forever as this broken…sorry excuse for a man here…" He began to choke up on his words, realizing that this could well be the last time the two mages would be permitted to speak to or see each other again. Sniffling a little, he continued. "You'll remember me as the man I was, the one who told you the glass was half full…"

"Jowan, I'll make this right, somehow. That's all I can promise. I know I owe you that much…" she softly, but with a hint of fierceness.

Without another word, the raven-haired mage threw his arms around the last person in Thedas who valued his life, and embraced her tightly as they began to sob into each other's shoulders.

The guard entered the cell and saw the two mages this way, and he didn't have the heart to tear them apart, so he looked to Leliana for help.

"Would you please walk the Warden up to the main hall, my lady?" he asked softly.

"Yes, just give me a moment." She replied. So she went in and tapped Maeve gently on the shoulder. "Come, ma Cherie. I'll walk with you, all right?"

Maeve let go of Jowan reluctantly and her eyes did not leave his face. "It'll be all right, Jowan, I promise…" she said softly as Leliana took her by the arm and then they left the dungeons. They walked up the stairs and down a few corridors until they reached the main hall.

The Arl, his wife, and Bann Teagan were waiting for them along with Alistair and Morrigan. "Warden," Arl Eamon began. "I understand you are responsible for the salvation of my castle, my village, and my family. I owe you a great deal."

Maeve nodded solemnly, and she wiped a few tears away.

"Young lady, I also understand you've been troubling yourself about the mage, my son's tutor. He still lives, I have been told." Eamon looked around the room, and Teagan nodded, noticing that Maeve had been crying and was at a loss for words.

So Teagan spoke up. "He was imprisoned in the dungeons, brother. The guards should be bringing him up now."

The Arl nodded. "Good. We shall pass judgment on the mage now, then." Just as the bearded lord spoke, the guard led Jowan into the large room. The mage was squinting, as if the light pained his eyes, and his hands were bound in chains. He looked even worse off now that the room wasn't dark. He was bruised, beaten and his torn robes were stained with blood, of which Maeve quickly identified the source. There was a large gash in the side of his lower torso that looked very painful, even if it wasn't incredibly serious.

"Bring him forward." The Arl instructed. "I wish to see the boy who has caused us all so much trouble."

The guard obeyed, and Jowan looked nobody in the eyes.

"Jowan. What you have done is not in question. You tried to assassinate me and set into motion a series of events that nearly destroyed everything I cherish. What have you to say in your own defense?"

Jowan opened his mouth but no words came out at first. Isolde, Teagan and Eamon all strained to hear the black-haired mage's statement. "…Nothing, my lord. Only to say that I am sorry. I excpect no mercy for what I have done."

Maeve's heart sank when she heard him. "I see. Grey Warden, you knew Jowan before all this began, or so I am told. I presume you have something to say on his behalf?" the Arl asked.

Maeve cleared her throat and looked from Jowan's face to the Arl's.

"Yes. Yes I do." She paused, running a trembling hand through her chestnut colored hair, and creating a moment of quiet tension. Alistair looked at her and sighed loudly. "Jowan was an apprentice alongside me at the Circle Tower. We grew up together, did everything together. We studied together, talked, laughed, and cried…You cannot just execute him like you're putting down a rabid dog. He was, and deep down, still is, a good man and a friend." Then she bowed her head slightly. She spoke with passion and emotion, silently praying that her words would sway the Arl. But her words weren't the only ones Eamon would hear, and even Maeve was surprised when Leliana spoke up.

"He also was the one who entered the Fade to save young Conner and killed the demon." The bard said. The Arl raised an eyebrow.

"He…he did?" the Arl looked to Isolde and Teagan. Isolde frowned and replied quickly.

"I didn't tell you, because I didn't think it mattered. He did a terrible thing."

Maeve's blood boiled when Isolde spoke. "Of course it matters! I sent Jowan to help Conner so he could have a chance to do the right thing and redeem himself! And you would still condemn him." She phrased the last sentence angrily and coldly.

"He's still a blood mage, and an apostate!" Alistair interrupted. Maeve looked at him for a moment, glaring daggers at the former Templar, but he shrugged. "It's the truth, Maeve. We can't forget what he is."

Maeve huffed and looked back at the arl. "With respect, my lord, we are passing judgment on him for his crimes here, not against the Chantry." She reasoned.

"I see." Eamon eyed Jowan, scratching his beard. "But as the injured party, my ability to seek the merciful path is…strained." He paused, looking at Maeve with pity in his aged face.

"Jowan, I hereby transfer the decision of your fate to the hands of the Chantry. May the Maker show you the mercy we could not."

Jowan went pale and then stuttered softly. "I…thank you, my lord."

"What? No! Jowan, why did you thank him?! He just signed your death warrant!" she cried, losing any composure she'd been able to gather. Her thin body was trembling now, with such a mix of emotions she could not describe how she felt.

Jowan half-coughed, half-sobbed and the guardsman had to steady him and hold his arm tightly. "I'm sorry Maeve." He said weakly.

"Not as sorry as I am, Jowan! I have failed you!" Maeve broke past her companions and ran to him, hugging him tightly. He was almost too weak to stay on his feet. With the guard still clinging to him and his hands in shackles, Jowan leaned on Maeve for support. They sobbed into each other's shoulders again for a moment and once Maeve got herself together again, she turned her head, not letting go of Jowan for fear the guard would take him away. She looked at the Arl, who looked bewildered along with his brother, and Isolde, who looked more disgusted than ever now.

The Arl sighed. "I am sorry, Grey Warden, and I do this with a heavy heart, but-"

"If your heart is heavy, I can't imagine what mine is!" Maeve cried. "This means you leave me no choice." She calmed down a tiny bit and loosened her grip on Jowan, but still didn't let go.

"I hereby invoke the Right of Conscription. Any wrongdoing this mage commits, from this moment forward, is my responsibility." She said, a spirited glimmer in her sea blue eyes.

Alistair's jaw all but hit the ground. "What?"

"You heard me, Alistair. He won't be using bad spells on my watch." She replied.

The Arl sighed again. "Are…you certain, Grey Warden?" he asked.

"Absolutely." She nodded, finally letting go of Jowan and taking a place standing next to him.

"He is a maleificar! The Chantry will still want him captured!" Teagan said, getting over the initial shock of what was going on.

"Can she even do this?" Isolde asked, bitterly.

"I just did. Let the Chantry try and hunt him. I dare them to lay a hand on him." Maeve said fiercely. "I can deal with the Chantry, if you release him into my custody now."

"I suppose there is not changing your mind, Warden." Then the Arl raised his voice slightly. "Jowan, you are hereby pardoned for your crimes against Redcliffe, but I do suggest you keep things quiet for as long as you are here."

Jowan relaxed slightly and the guard released his grip on the young mage's arm. "Thank you! I will never forget your mercy, my lord!" he said softly but with more life in his eyes, and more hope than ever before.

The Arl noded. "Very well, but don't make me regret this decision."

Jowan looked Eamon in the eyes for the first time. "I won't. I swear to you. Someday, somehow, I will repay you, my lord."

Eamon said nothing more to Jowan but looked significantly surprised.

"Please," the Warden said, turning to Jowan's guard. "The key." The guard took a single key from the ring on his belt and handed it to her with a nod. She then took Jowan's calloused hands in hers for a moment with relief in her soft features, then she unbound his hands, dropped the chains to the ground, and threw her arms around him.

He hugged her back weakly and the guard stepped back. Then Jowan went pale as a ghost and his feeble body collapsed into her arms.

"Oh…Jowan!" Maeve gasped. Leliana was the only one who rushed to help the Warden. Jowan was out cold by the time the bard got there to help support the weight of the unconscious mage.

"The poor fellow…We should take him to a place where he can rest." She put a finger to his throat, just to be sure. "He's got a pulse. I just think this was all too much for him."

Maeve glared at Isolde, and for the first time the Warden had seen, the Orlesian noblewoman looked slightly ashamed. "Just…take him away." Isolde commanded.

Maeve nodded, her eyes narrowing. "After the damage your men did to him, I'm sure his wish is to be out of here as well."

Isolde frowned. "You have some nerve, Grey Warden!"

"She's right, though. The boy was clearly tortured." Leliana said coldly as she helped sling Jowan's left arm over her shoulder while Maeve did the same with his right.

"Like the demon tortured my family." Isolde retorted.

"Need I remind you that Jowan did not summon the demon, he killed it! And you're the only one who could have prevented all this!" Maeve fumed.

Isolde gasped at the accusation, but Alistair stepped in before any more feathers could be ruffled. "Enough, ladies! Maeve, if you are ready, we should not overstay our welcome!"


	4. Not Broken, Just Bent

So the Warden and the bard carried the injured mage out of the castle. He was still unconscious when they reached the campsite, outside the village. The others had set up camp already.

"Alistair, go get Sten, you two prepare a tent and a bedroll for Jowan. Quickly!" Maeve urged.

Alistair sighed. "I cannot believe I am doing this!" he moaned.

But he did as he was told, and he and Sten quickly set up a small tent and put a bedroll in it. Maeve and Leliana laid Jowan down on top of the blankets and Wynne entered the tent.

"My dear, what in the Maker's name have you done?!" Asked the elder mage. "You conscripted a blood mage into the Grey Wardens?! That is truly not wise. How do you know he can be trusted?"

"I know Jowan. He has a good heart. He just made some mistakes and now he has a chance to redeem himself. What's the matter with that?" Maeve replied.

"Nothing, my dear. Your intentions are noble, in fact. But what about his?" Wynne's expression softened as she spoke of Maeve's intentions, but she still looked concerned.

"Jowan wants to make things right as much as I do. I followed my gut, and my heart." The Warden answered softly but surely.

"And if you're wrong? If he betrays you?" Wynne questioned.

"Then I will decide his fate. But he needs to have a chance. The Chantry certainly won't give him one." Maeve crossed her arms and looked at Jowan, who had begun to stir.

"Where am I? Was it all a dream? Are the creatures of the Fade taunting me?" Jowan muttered softly as his eyes opened. He tried to get up and his grey eyes widened as Maeve pushed him back down again, a gentle hand on his chest.

"Relax, Jowan. You've been through a lot. You need to rest." She said to him, her voiced calm and soothing.

"So it was real." Jowan sighed and lay back down on the bedroll. Maeve smiled at him warmly, her expression was soft and kind.

"Yes. Try to stay still. In a few minutes Wynne and I will examine and heal any wounds you have." Maeve relaxed too and stepped back a bit from him. Then he saw that they weren't alone in the tent, which was only a little bit bigger than the cell he'd been confined to at Redcliffe.

He shuddered, and Leliana smiled assuringly at him, and Wynne gave him a small nod.

"Hello, Jowan." Leliana said softly as she helped Wynne prepare bandages, and various potions and salves.

He relaxed a little and Wynne and Maeve knelt at his side while Leliana stood by, ready to help.

"You will need to take off your robes. We'll give you better ones anyway. You'll need to be better protected than you are now." Maeve said.

Jowan began to remove what was left of his apprentice robes, slowly and carefully to avoid too much contact with his injuries. He left only a thin, plain white undershirt which was covered in dirt and even more blood, and a pair of trousers. Once his old robes were off he asked, "Can you not just mend the tears in my old ones?"

Maeve looked to Wynne for this answer and the older mage shook her head. "They're too far gone. We'll give you warm clothes after we have tended to your injuries, and next time we get a chance we can get you some new robes. Maeve is right, you will need to be better protected."

"From what, exactly?" Jowan asked nervously as he took off his undershirt and tossed it lightly to the side.

Maeve frowned. "Protection from the elements, preferably something with padding, like the armor a rogue wears."

"You mean I will be fighting, Maeve?" he asked with a hint of panic in his tone.

"Not for a while. You'll have to fully recover and I'll have to train you so we can count on you on the battlefield, but yes, eventually." Maeve said.

Jowan shuddered. "Darkspawn?"

"Mostly. I'll ask Alistair if we can spare you the Joining. We don't even know how to perform the ritual, so we'd need to wait until after the Blight is over. I conscripted you, but I'd like to avoid putting you through the Joining if it is possible." Maeve's voice faltered as Jowan went pale.

"Putting me through it?" he asked. Maeve didn't answer. Instead she put a hand on his arm and sort of stroked it, expressing her tenderness for him in the only way she felt she could, for no words would come. She was about to start crying again, but then Wynne spoke, distracting her from her troubled thoughts, for the moment at least.

"They really did a number, his wounds will need to be cleaned. The bigger ones I can heal, but we should bandage the smaller ones so we don't use up too much mana. We need not exhaust our supply of Lyrium potions by using so much healing magic. Especially since most of these injuries aren't too serious, even if they are painful. I am worried about that cut though. I will tend to it first."

Maeve nodded. She wanted to ease Jowan's pain as well as comfort him, but she knew the older mage would do her best and use good judgment, even if the dark-haired mage wasn't Wynne's favorite person in the world. Wynne began to clean the large gash on the side of his torso by scrubbing a piece of clean cloth soaked in water, which had been mixed with salve. Jowan winced at her touch, even though it was fairly gentle. Maeve moved her hand gently down Jowan's arm and took his hand. He squeezed her small hand as their fingers intertwined.

He cried out when Wynne began to clean the wound more vigorously. "It must be clean or it will fester and you'll be even worse off!" The old lady raised her voice sternly over Jowan's cries.

When the largest of the wounds was clean, Wynne started to cast a healing spell to close it. He looked to Maeve and she smiled at him, trying to be a source of strength for him, even though she wanted to break down and cry from seeing her childhood friend and constant companion so broken.

"You'll be all right, Jowan, Wynne knows what she's doing…" She said, smiling weakly. When Wynne released the spell it slowly but surely mended his broken flesh. Both of the younger mages watched as the gaping wound transformed into a faint scar. Wynne finished the spell and Jowan relaxed his tense muscles.

Wynne was pale now, and breathing heavily. She patted Jowan's shoulder. "There. The worst is over, lad, I promise."

"Thank you, Wynne…are you all right? You look pale…" He said softly.

Maeve felt some ease as she realized this was a little bit of the old Jowan she knew and loved shining through. He always cared for others, putting them before himself. The Warden smiled warmly at both of them. Wynne nodded to Jowan, but Maeve's smile faded as she realized just how pale Wynne was after casting the healing spell.

"I can carry on from here, Wynne. Get some rest." She told the elder mage.

"All right. I will be here if you need me. Those little cuts and bruises you can put some salve on. Then give him an elfroot potion for the pain and to help the wounds heal faster. Oh, yes, and don't forget to wrap the wound I just healed with some bandages," Wynne instructed. "That won't do much, but it will keep the area clean and remind him not to move too much; the flesh is still sensitive enough that it can reopen."

Then with a swift nod, Maeve let go of Jowan's hand and began rubbing some salve on a bruise on his shoulder. There were various cuts and bruises along with a large burn on the opposite side of his mid-section from the gash. When she got a closer look at it Maeve couldn't take it anymore. The tears started flowing down her cheeks and Jowan saw them.

"Maeve…" he began, not really sure what to say.

"How could they do this to you, Jowan? I should have been there to protect you! I should have left with you-"

"But then where would either of us be? We'd both be dead, or running, and neither of us would have a chance to make things right. That's no life I would ever wish on you."

Maeve's expression softened, and their eyes met. "I didn't even think about that…"

"The glass is half full, Maeve, not half empty!" Then he sat up, and before he remembered that they weren't alone, he put his arms around her in an embrace, and then she brought her lips to his and they kissed passionately.

Wynne's jaw dropped, her aged features showing a great deal of shock, and Leliana looked equally surprised. As Jowan pulled away and laid back down, Maeve looked at the others, her cheeks a rosy red color. She hadn't been expecting that, and her reaction had come from her heart rather than her head, so she wasn't sure if it had been too soon. Jowan sighed heavily and Maeve smiled nervously. "When all is said and done," Jowan said shakily, "I'm glad things turned out the way they did."

"I…I am too, Jowan." Maeve said softly, passing him the healing potion, which he took and drank gratefully.

Then Maeve wrapped Jowan's largest wound with the bandages Wynne had laid aside. "I'm going to heal that burn." She said, quiet determination in her tone.

Jowan nodded and he watched as Maeve's talented hands repaired the damage to his flesh. He leaned ever-so-slightly into her touch without realizing it. Maeve noticed, but she said nothing as a small smile tugged at her lips. Wynne went out to the campfire where the others were. Once Jowan's wounds were all tended to, Maeve asked Leliana, "Can you go and ask Alistair for a spare shirt?"

With a nod, the bard was gone for a few minutes. It had been quite a while since the Wardens and their companions had left Redcliffe, and the sun was beginning to set. When Leliana returned she handed Jowan a light sweater. "This was all he had, and it will be cold tonight." She said kindly as Jowan took the sweater and put it on.

"Thank you. You're…Leliana, right?" he looked the bard in the eyes.

Leliana smiled kindly and nodded. Morrigan entered the tent as Leliana left to go join the others at the campfire.

"Supper is nearly ready, Maeve, if you are quite finished tending to your friend's injuries." The black-clad apostate said.

Maeve nodded to Morrigan and turned to Jowan. She took his hand gently, and smiled. "Shall we?" she asked.

He looked down at their hands with a timid smile, knowing that their joined hands meant more that friendship now.

"Yes, let's go." He said, smiling a little less timidly. Then she helped him up and they slowly made their way outside.


	5. Concussions and Confessions

As the pair walked outside Alistair looked at them with a half-puzzled, half-angry expression on his face. He was sitting on a log near the campfire along with Sten, Zevran and Morrigan. Leliana was standing nearby and Wynne joined them. Maeve squeezed Jowan's hand gently and they sat across from the others, on the other side of the fire.

"So, for those of you who don't know, this is Jowan. He is here for a chance to redeem himself and aid us in our quest to end the Blight. He is also very dear to me, so if anyone has a problem with his presence, speak up now; but be careful what you say. He's very dear to me." Maeve spoke, breaking the eerie silence, and she stroked Jowan's thumb at her last statement.

He looked around at the others, not making eye contact with anybody until his wandering eyes reached Maeve's face. She smiled at him and he went pale as he felt the many pairs of eyes drifting to his face.

"I still can't believe you let a blood mage join us, Maeve." Alistair said, glaring at Jowan with narrowed eyes. "Especially one who lied to you."

"His lies were out of fear, and what went on between us is none of your business, really. But if you must know, I forgive Jowan because I trust he had a good reason." Maeve replied sharply.

Wynne shook her head. "There is never a good reason for blood magic. There is always another way."

Maeve sighed, letting go of Jowan's hand to place her hands on her hips. "So what would you have done, Wynne?" she challenged. "If you were going to be made Tranquil?"

"I would accept the fate if there was a risk I'd be a danger to others. What Jowan did was downright selfish! He nearly got you killed, and that poor young Chantry Initiate-"

Wynne was cut off by Morrigan's cold chuckle. "Do stop preaching, you old coot!" The witch of the wilds covered her ears in a mocking gesture. "The boy did what he had to do!"

"Says the apostate." Alistair chimed in.

Maeve shook her head. "Enough! All of you need to trust me and respect my decision! I will not allow this bickering to continue!"

"Well, I don't trust him. At all. But you're in charge, I suppose that's what I get for letting you lead." Alistair said with a shrug.

Maeve glared at him. "You're right." She replied.

"I think it is a fine idea. We need all the help we can get, and he needs a second chance, no?" Leliana asked. Wynne sighed and Zevran smirked.

"I have no problem with the mage joining us. He seems like a good fellow. Could be a lot worse." The Antivan assassin stated.

The group ate in silence, then a large brown figure emerged quickly from the woods. Maeve smiled as her trusty Mabari hound came barreling towards her, wagging his tail.

"Hey, Mouse!" She said in a high-pitched, playful voice. The dog reached her and spun around, barking deeply, then took a playful stance.

Jowan reacted with fear when he saw Mouse. "Wait, that's your dog? Is he a mabari?"

Maeve nodded as the hound leapt up, his front paws on her chest. His bulky and furry body was nearly as tall standing on two legs as Maeve's slender figure. He licked her face.

"Hey, silly boy, stop that!" Maeve laughed as the dog got back down on all fours.

"So he's imprinted to you? Like the dogs from the books?" Jowan sounded less afraid now, and more curious.

"Yes, he's such a good boy, aren't you, Mousey?" She cooed at the dog. Then Mouse trotted off, panting. Alistair came over and knelt next to Maeve by the fire.

"So, we're headed to Orzammar next, right?" He asked her.

Maeve nodded. "I think I'll bring Mouse, Leliana and Jowan. Leliana's always wanted to see the dwarven city," she began, and then she glanced at Jowan, with a nod in his direction. "And Jowan should come with me so he is safe from Templars."

"So I don't get to go?" Alistair frowned. He had annoyance and hurt written all over his face.

Maeve sighed. "I need you at camp with the others, to help them fend off any Darkspawn."

Alistair's eyes narrowed. "A poor excuse. You're still angry at me, aren't you?"

Maeve frowned. "A little, I just need time. And so do you."

They left for the Frostback mountains the next morning. When they'd been travelling for quite some time, it wasn't long before Jowan began to tire, his condition worsening, and by the time they made camp it was nearly six in the morning. They'd travelled for nearly an entire day without rest, and the mountain range was an unforgiving territory.

Finally the group got some rest. After a while, most of the others had retired to their tents and were almost asleep, save for Jowan, Leliana, Maeve, Mouse, Morrigan and Alistair.

Jowan approached Maeve, with an uneasy expression on his face. "I heard something in the woods just now. Should we tell the others?" he asked her. Before Maeve could respond, Mouse began to bark ferociously and he stood up next to Maeve, growling fiercely towards the dark woods. Bodahn and Sandal started running towards the campfire. Maeve's head spun for a moment. She knew what was attacking the camp before she even had a chance to draw her staff. She picked it up and she, Jowan and Leliana took a few steps toward the woods. Leliana's bow was drawn now. Maeve smirked.

"Jowan, watch and learn," the young redhead said coolly. Then she took off towards the woods. Jowan looked concerned and he tried to go after her, but Leliana stopped him, pulling him back by the arm and giving him a stern look.

"That was an order, Jowan. Stay here!" the bard shouted as she rushed past Jowan and joined the others, nocking an arrow to her trusty bow. There were two Hurlocks charging in, but Maeve quickly cast a fiery blast and the beasts were dead before Morrigan's cone of cold or Leliana's arrows could reach them. All the others were awake now, gathering their weapons and ready to fight. Then came the Genlocks, and there were several of them, waving their hideous weapons as they charged towards Maeve's group of misfits.

Alistair bashed one with his shield and beheaded it with his longsword as it went down. Zevran leapt into action as one of the Genlock rogues snuck past Alistair and he stabbed it in the back before slitting its throat in a swift, neat motion.

Jowan watched as the group dealt with the Darkspawn, one by one, before his eyes. But then came the ogre. It plowed through the branches and bushes in its way then charged towards Alistair and Sten and the two nimble warriors easily evaded its horned head and spikey armored shoulders. Leliana shot the ogre in the stomach three times, and then Wynne rejuvenated Maeve and Morrigan's mana. Once her power was renewed Maeve shot a stone fist at the ogre's head, stunning it for a long enough time that Sten could get to it, and he began to hack away at its leg with his greatsword. The ogre kicked the Qunari warrior away and it took Sten a moment to recover from being knocked back. The beast was on its last legs, literally, and it was getting more and more desperate to do damage.

That's when it grabbed Maeve, who was distracted by two Genlocks she was helping Alistair finish off. The big monster interrupted the winter's grasp spell she'd been trying to cast and it picked her up roughly, lifting her high above the reach of the others.

Jowan heard a voice yell, "No!" Before he realized it was his own. He lost his composure and sprinted across the battlefield that was once their campsite, and Leliana let out the breath she'd been holding and dutifully covered his advanced by shooting the Hurlock that tried to pursue and attack him in the knee. Jowan began an ice spell.

Before he could cast it, however, the ogre threw Maeve about thirty feet across the air. Jowan released the spell, and the ogre was frozen solid before Maeve hit the ground.

Alistair shot Jowan a look of bewilderment, and proceeded to assault the ogre with his heavy shield until the colossal beast collapsed. The rest of the Darkspawn had fallen and Jowan rushed to Maeve's side.

"Maeve?!" he cried. Alistair and Leliana also knelt at their leader's side. Wynne stood nearby and Mouse whined nervously. The young Grey Warden did not move. Her unconscious form was bruised and scratched up, and there appeared to be a bump on her head.

"Maeve, please, wake up! Please!" Jowan begged, cradling her in his arms and willing her to sit up, imagining her asking why he was fussing over her. Wynne knelt beside him and quickly examined the bump on Maeve's head, which was turning into a large bruise.

"She's got a minor concussion, at the very least. It could have been a great deal worse. Her bruises will heal. Alistair, carry her to her tent. Jowan, Leliana, go on and help prepare her bedroll. I will be there in a moment." The old mage said after assessing the injured Warden. The others did as Wynne said, and Jowan followed Leliana and Alistair into Maeve's tent. Wynne joined them soon after Maeve was laid in her bedroll and without a word the elder mage knelt at her side and began to cast a healing spell. The scratches and bruises began to disappear and so did the bump on her head. As the swelling went down the red haired mage began to stir.

"Please, tell me she'll be all right," Jowan said softly to Wynne before Maeve's eyes opened.

"Jowan…" Maeve mumbled. "I take it back. Don't learn from that example!"

Jowan chuckled nervously. "Very funny, Maeve. You had me worried there."

Alistair looked Maeve in the eyes. "So, are you all right, Maeve?"

The younger Warden nodded. "Yeah. I've had worse, I think." She tried to sit up, but then she cried out and closed her eyes tightly. "Andraste's ass!" she muttered.

Jowan frowned. "Maybe you should rest for a bit, Maeve."

"I agree." Wynne said with a nod. "You should stay in bed for a while. Your injuries could have been a lot worse, but that was still an exhausting fight."

"I suppose I have no choice in the matter, then." Maeve closed her eyes and laid her head back on the pillow. Jowan looked at Alistair, Wynne, and Leliana.

"I'll stay with her…" He began. Alistair shook his head.

"I don't think so, blood mage. Maeve may trust you with her life…and her heart, but I don't. If she dies, Ferelden will fall, and I'm not about to let that happen." The former Templar said sternly and bitterly.

"Psh. You're just scared of being the last Grey Warden in Ferelden. Get over yourself, Alistair, we'll be fine!" Maeve scolded, opening her blue eyes and frowning.

"Only if someone else stays to watch him." Alistair sighed.

Leliana spoke up. "Alistair, acting overprotective and paranoid will not gain you many friends. But I will stay with them, if you insist."

Alistair almost opened his mouth to speak again, but then Wynne elbowed him in the side.

"They will be fine, Alistair. Come on, let's go help the others clean up camp." She said, practically dragging Alistair out of the tent by his wrist.

Maeve reached for Jowan's hand and he took her hand and squeezed it lightly. Leliana sat beside the two mages and there was a brief silence until the bard asked a question.

"So, about that kiss, is there something I don't know?" Leliana smiled mischievously as she spoke.

Jowan's face went beet red, and Maeve looked at both her companion's faces before she spoke.

"It just happened." She said softly. Jowan nodded slightly.

"I see. Does Alistair know?" Leliana asked, lowering her voice a little.

"Maker, I hope not! I don't need to give him another reason to want me dead." Jowan said nervously. Maeve chuckled.

"It's none of his damned business. Sometimes I wonder if Templar Alistair is speaking over the voice of Grey Warden Alistair." She said bitterly. Leliana and Jowan both chuckled at her response.

Later that afternoon, Maeve slept for a bit, and Leliana and Jowan left her while she rested and they went out to join the others, sitting out by the campfire.

"So," Leliana began as she and Jowan sat next to Morrigan and Zevran. "What is your story?"

Jowan sighed. "I suppose it's no use telling you I was a Circler apprentice and then leaving it at that?"

"Correct." The bard nodded as she warmed her hands by the campfire. "Maeve spoke fondly of you, and she is my dearest friend. I must know more about you!"

Morrigan chuckled coldly. "So she can decide if she approves of you two or not. That's what this is really about."

"Us?" Jowan gulped and looked Alistair's direction. Maeve's fellow Warden was pitching his tent and paying no attention to the small talk at the fire.

"Oh, don't pretend it's a secret, lad," the black-clad mage said with an amused chuckle. "We do all talk to each other, you know. Wynne told me about the kiss, and I have seen the way you two look at each other, and even I know you harbor feelings for one another." Then she lowered her voice to a whisper. "Although, I am quite sure the Circle frowns upon that sort of thing…"

Jowan squirmed before Morrigan's amber eyes and he struggled to find words at first, but then they came quickly.

"I love Maeve!" He blurted out. "And there's nothing the Chantry can do to destroy that."

Then a voice spoke up from behind him. "Jowan…I…never expected you to feel that way…"

Jowan blushed, recognizing the voice. He turned his head to face her. "Maeve, how long have you been standing there?" He asked.

"Oh, don't be daft, blood mage." Zevran said, smirking. _"She heard it all."_


	6. Kisses and Confrontations

Jowan was blushing now and so was Maeve. The warden smiled nervously and moved to sit beside him. She took his hand and the others watched their leader with awe reserved for a bear tamer and Maeve nodded. "The Chantry will have to go through me before they touch him." She said protectively.

Wynne and Alistair were nearby now, and the healer shook her head. "Your intentions are good, Maeve. But I just hope your innocence and compassionate nature does not doom Ferelden. The nation depends on you, and a Grey Warden must be focused during a Blight, and committed. And you'd certainly best be careful. He is a blood mage." Wynne lectured. Maeve resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"He was a blood mage. He is a good man and his past is behind him now. Isn't that right, Jowan?" Maeve turned towards her childhood friend.

He nodded subtlely and spoke softly. "I'm giving up blood magic. But maybe us being…how we are…isn't such a good idea."

Maeve's heart sank, and she looked shocked. "What? Why?!"

He stood up and pulled her gently aside from the others and they took a walk. "Maeve, I don't want to hurt you. Everyone I love gets hurt, and you are the last person I want to suffer for my poor decisions." He explained this in a worried tone, as if it had been troubling him for some time.

"Jowan…" Maeve said, on the verge of tears, fearful of losing the man she loved for a second time. "You aren't going to hurt me. I love you and I want to undo the injustices in your life!"

"I know, but-" Maeve leaned in close and kissed him passionately before he could finish and for a moment, they were standing still, leaning into each other's arms and pouring their hearts and souls into the kiss.

That was, until Alistair, who had been following them and watching at a distance, swooped in. "Hey!" he sprang out at the pair and grabbed Jowan, wrestling him to the ground. Maeve fell back and hit the ground, the wind being knocked out of her for a moment. Then Alistair pulled Jowan up by the collar of his shirt and yelled in his face.

"I don't care how much she loves or trusts you, blood mage! If you hurt her, you'll regret it, do you understand?!"

Jowan got over the shock and stuttered, "Please, Alistair…let me go. I don't want trouble."

"Funny you say that, because all you are is trouble!" Alistair growled before releasing Jowan with a rough shove.

"Alistair!" Maeve cried angrily as her fellow Grey Warden stormed off, leaving Jowan slumped on the ground, still not entirely over the sudden jolt and high running emotions.

Alistair ignored her and kept moving quickly back towards camp, not looking back at either mage.

Jowan began to cry softly now and Maeve already had tears streaming down her face, which was red with fury at the man who was supposed to be a brother in arms, not a jealous, overprotective prick. The two lovers crawled slowly back towards each other and Maeve hugged Jowan, her arms gently rubbing circles on his back and she asked, "He didn't hurt you, did he, Jowan?"

The former blood mage shook his head. "But maybe he's right… I don't want to hurt you…"

She held him tighter, burying her face in his raven black hair. Then she pulled away and placed her hands very gently on his cheeks. "I am strong, Jowan. You made mistakes, but that doesn't make you any less deserving of kindness…or love."

She swept some strands of long black hair out of his face and kissed his cheek. "Come, let's go back to camp." She started to help him to his feet but he didn't let her.

"Before we go, I need to tell you something, Maeve." Jowan sounded ashamed all of a sudden and Maeve raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, I get the feeling it is something many would not approve of?"

He took her hand in both of his scarred hands. "What is it, love? You have me worried!" She urged. He looked up at her with pleading eyes.

"You're going to kill me, and if you don't, the others will."

"Damnit, Jowan, just tell me! Nobody's going to hurt you anymore!"

He sighed and closed his eyes. "I…know where Aeonar is. And that Lily is there." He confessed.


	7. Answers

Maeve blinked a few times and stared Jowan in the face with disbelief. "What? How?" She asked after she got over the initial shock.

He sighed and looked to the ground. "I don't think you will like the answer to that. While the blood magic was...active...I, uh, may have read into Knight Commander Greagoir's thoughts, and gotten that information. I'm sorry, Maeve, it was the last time, I swear!" he winced as his voice got higher and she placed a hand on his shoulder, her expression serious, but not angry.

"Jowan, Alistair isn't going to like this..." She frowned as she could only speculate the former Templar's reaction to this news. Aeonar was rarely spoken of by apprentices, and when it was, those who spoke were usually the older, or the more menacing Templars, or very Maker-fearing mentors. Maeve had sometimes wondered if the Aeonar even existed, or if it was a fable made up by the Templars to scare mages into being 'manageable.' But after the events with Jowan, Fen'asha and Lily, there was no doubt in her mind Aeonar was real.

"I know." Jowan went pale.

"But I'm not about to tell him. That would be sinking to Surana's level. That rat." Maeve replied, her eyes narrowing at the mention of her rival.

"How will he not find out?" Jowan asked, looking into Maeve's sea blue eyes as his grey irises glimmered and his brow furrowed with worry. "I mean, I can tell you where it is, but-"

"Let's start with that." Maeve smiled reassuringly at him.

He sighed. "It's in the mountains, past Orzammar. It's a big, guarded fortress." he told her.

"I see. Well, we are headed to get activate the Dwarven treaty next, so we'll find it, and we'll go from there, all right?" She patted his shoulder and they both stood up.

"You mean you will help me get her out?" he asked, almost surprised that Maeve was willing to help.

The red haired mage nodded. "Of course, Jowan."

"Thank you...I just don't want her paying for all the mistakes I've made. They're my burden to carry, not hers."

Maeve nodded again. She said nothing of her true feelings for Jowan's former lover. She knew the Chantry Initiate would probably never forgive Jowan or his actions, and she wasn't entirely to blame either. After all, being raised in a Chantry, particularly one at a Circle Tower, didn't exactly breed love and understanding for mages who didn't follow the laws. But Lily's condemning of Jowan was still disheartening to Maeve and she couldn't imagine how her lover must have felt. As they returned to camp, where the others had been chatting amomgst themselves, Maeve whispered into Jowan's ear. "Let me handle this, love."

All eyes were on the two mages now, and they joined hands, fingers intertwining softly. "We are headed into the Frostbacks as of now, but we will also be making a side trip. We'll be going to Aeonar to rescue Lily, Jowan's former lover."

"That's a bad idea, Maeve. If the Chantry doesn't want Jowan dead or captured for being a blood mage, they'll have trouble ignoring the crime of breaking into Chantry property... That is just pushing your luck." Alistair said with a frown.

Leliana spoke up. "We could try to reason with the Chantry...maybe they'd let her go."

Jowan shook his head with a solemn expression, eyes drifting low, to the ground.

"If we approach them, Jowan will be at risk. I won't let them take him from me...again." Maeve said softly but with significant fierceness.

"'Tis all well and fine, but how do you know the location of this fabled prison? I highly doubt the Templars mark it on any map, nor would they tell just anyone where it is... especially those who've defied them in just about every way possible..." Morrigan said calmly.

Jowan went pale. "I already know where it is...or at least I know the general area."  
Alistair stood up abruptly.

"That's a Chantry secret. Very dangerous for an apostate." he said fiercely. "Might I ask how you came to know this information."

Alistair stepped closer to Jowan with an angry expression on his face.

"Back off, Alistair." Maeve planted herself between the two men and placed a firm hand on Alistair's chest. He didn't come any closer but he didn't back down either.

"I said, back off." Maeve gave Alistair an icy glare and he finally stepped back. As the former Templar obeyed his fellow Grey Warden, Jowan stepped back as well.

"I've known since I escaped the Tower." he said, with a hint of shame in his tone.

"And just how did you manage that?" Alistair asked him suspiciously.

Wynne sighed loudly and then spoke up. "He probably used forbidden magics to read Greagoir's mind. He's the only Templar in Kinloch Hold who knows where the Aeonar is, and lets on that he does."

"I...I did," Jowan admitted, "and I'm sorry for it, but I didn't hurt anyone by learning where it is!"

Alistair huffed and spoke up again. "I told you so, Maeve. Once a blood mage, always a blood mage. He cannot be trusted."

"He used blood magic to protect Lily, and knock back the Templars. He must have read Greagoir's mind while the spell was active, or cast another in the commotion." Maeve replied.

"If I did cast another spell, it wasn't on purpose. I never got that far. Or that low, or whatever makes a blood mage powerful. I didn't even know what I was doing at first, then when Lily refused to go with me I wanted answers but I looked in the wrong place. Greagoir's thoughts. I read into his thoughts, I guess, because I got a vision of the outside of a big fortress; Aeonar, I guess, and of a place on a map near Orzammar in the mountains. Then I tried to wake Maeve, but I heard more Templars coming, and I panicked and ran away. I'm sorry." Jowan looked at Maeve, genuine regret in his features..

"I see. You are foolish enough, that I actually believe that might have happened to you." Alistair said, hinting that he didn't think the mage was lying, but refusing to raise his credibility too much.

"Thanks?" Jowan questioned with uncertainty.

"Yeah. I believe you. Get over it, mage."

Mage? Not blood mage? It was a step in the right direction at least.


	8. Snow Day

Nothing terribly relevant was said or done on the journey up into the mountains, but the temperature grew drastically colder, and the paths Maeve and her company of misfits treaded grew more and more treacherous as they travelled further and further from civilization. When the group made a new camp a week into their journey, Maeve and Jowan climbed onto a rock overlooking a large mountain pass.

Just past the valley, they could see the structure of a large fortress, which, on foot at their pace, the group could expect to reach in a few days' time. Around the fort was a moat, with no drawbridge. There was a little dock Maeve could scarcely make out and a tiny rowboat. The moat was wide, but it wasn't lake Calenhad.

"That must be it." Jowan said after breathing in the crisp, but fresh mountain air. He sighed deeply. As the days had gone by, the former blood mage's spirits had been lifted gradually, just by being outside, experiencing sensations he'd never been allowed before.

Maeve nodded. She wasn't going to lie, the fort looked ominous, even more so than Kinloch Hold, but she wasn't about to turn back now. "So, we'll pass through the valley and try to find a way into the fortress. I doubt it will be easy. But for now, we should return to camp and rest. We have a long few days ahead of us."

He met her gaze and gave her a small smile. "Thank you, Maeve. I wouldn't be able to do this alone."

She tenderly took his hand. "I'm with you every step of the way, my love." She gave him a warm, reassuring smile in return. They climbed down from the ledge and made their way back to camp. Mouse was waiting near Maeve's tent, and as the Warden and the former blood mage approached he rolled over on his back in the freshly fallen snow. Just as she knelt down to pet her Mabari, a large ball of snow hit Maeve's shoulder.

She heard Leliana laughing from behind and Jowan turned around to face the bard. Instead of kneeling to ball up snow as Leliana had, he channeled his mana until he brought up a small snowball and he smiled smugly at the red-haired bard before casting his mana at the ball so it flew and hit her hip.

"Hey, that's cheating!" she giggled and Maeve joined in her laughter as she pegged another snowball at the bard without her magic. This one hit Leliana in the face and she bent down to pick up more snow, eager for revenge. But Zevran snuck up behind the other rogue and wrapped his slender arm around both of hers, before shoving another snowball in her face.

Jowan was laughing whole-heartedly now, and Maeve smiled. After having seen him so broken and sad, it was good to see the man she loved so full of life.

Alistair called out from his tent. "Hey! What's all that racket? Don't make me come out there!"

Maeve and the others went quiet for a moment, raising the former templar's suspicion, and then they all burst out in laughter. Mouse bounced around, and barked loudly but playfully.

Alistair walked out of his tent, but Jowan, Leliana, Maeve and Zevran bombarded him with snowballs so quickly he barely had time to block his face. Mouse was at his side now, growling at the others, but he looked as playful as a mabari can look without being absolutely terrifying. His snarling was something akin to a bear cub playing with its siblings. Maeve chuckled still, as the laughter of the others died down, and her fellow Warden dusted snow off his armor and rolled his eyes.

Jowan and Zevran looked at each other, then at Leliana. They both pointed and almost at the same time, exclaimed, "She started it!"

"Spoilsports…" the bard accused, but with a gleeful giggle.

Alistair smirked, then hurled a bit of snow at Leliana, narrowly missing her torso.

It was hard to keep a straight face after all, when the entire group of different people from very different backgrounds, who were brought together by the _blight,_ of all things, could make the very best out of a situation like this. His smile only faded when he realized how many Templars would probably want them dead in the next few days.

Later, Wynne, Morrigan and Sten came out for supper, after the play in the snow stopped. Then the group settled down for the night. It was a very cold evening, and the wind was howling louder than Maeve imagined a storm could sound.

Everyone else had gone off to their tents hours ago, and it was pitch black outside, but Amell lay awake, shivering and worrying. It seemed nothing could put her mind at ease about the next couple of days. The only noises she could hear were the wintery breezes, only once in a while, but very loud when she could hear them, and her own teeth chattering.

But moments later she could hear slow, light footsteps outside her tent. She reached for her staff. Mouse was awake now, sniffing for signs of danger. The crunching of snow beneath booted feet grew closer and closer, until she could see a shadow outside. The figure slowly entered the tent, and she squinted. She was so tired, yet she couldn't sleep. Mouse whined as it became evident by the figures pale face, dark hair and shining grey eyes who he was, and Maeve smiled and sighed with relief, then shushed her hound.

"Jowan, you should be resting. We had a long day today and tomorrow could be longer." She said softly. Only her head was visible, the rest of her was wrapped up in as many blankets and coats as she could find.

"Maeve, I can't. I cannot sleep." He confessed. He looked tired but restless as he sat on the corner of one of her blankets.

"I'm afraid I don't have much advice for you, my love. I can't either." She smiled softly when she called him her love.

"Are you nervous about tomorrow too?" he asked, a hint of embarrassment in his tone. Maeve nodded and uncovered one arm.

"Come, we're both half-frozen." She took his hand and squeezed it. He moved to join her under the covers but he hesitated.

"The others will talk-" he began.

"Let them talk." She interrupted. "This is none of their concern. I want you here, close to me." She said firmly but gently. She gave him a soft smile and he stroked her hand. His expression softened and she allowed him under the coats and blankets with her. She didn't hesitate to take him into her arms, both of their bodies warming each other up quickly. They turned to face each other and Maeve planted a tender kiss on Jowan's cheek. Then they fell asleep like that, in each other's arms, ready to face the days to come, side by side.


	9. Aeonar:Part One

It was Wynne who entered Maeve's tent the next morning to wake them up. She saw her two former students sleeping soundly in each other's arms, and she closed her eyes and shook her head. Then Mouse, whose sleep Wynne had disturbed, sat up slowly and nuzzled Maeve's arm. When this didn't cause her to stir he lifted his head and licked his mistress' face.

Now she was awake, and she spotted Wynne. She sat up slowly and Jowan began to stir.

"Good morning, my dear. I see the sleeping arrangements in our little group have changed. Whose idea was this?" Wynne didn't need to say anything else for Maeve to know she disapproved.

"It's none of your business." Maeve said, sounding a little bit grumpy. "This isn't the Circle."

Wynne sighed. "No, but-"

"If it reassures you, nothing happened. All we did was keep each other warm." The young Warden interrupted.

"Well," Wynne began, the frown not leaving her aged face. "You've got a point. This is not the Circle."

"But even if it was, what right do the Templars have to control _every single aspect of our Maker-damned lives?!"_ Maeve fumed, her voice raised enough to wake Jowan now.

His eyes searched for her, as she had sat up and was in the process of putting on a set of thick, protective robes. Jowan sat up too and Wynne left them in the tent, still with disapproval in all her features. Maeve turned to face Jowan. "Sorry about that..." she said, with a more timid tone in her voice than usual.

Breakfast was quiet, as Maeve's group of misfits were all fighting off the cold. At least now the sun was out and the wind had died down. They continued to travel towards the big, sturdy fort, and three days passed before they were level with the little dock on the moat.

"So, what's the plan? How will you get in, and who will you take with you?" Alistair asked Maeve.

The mage pondered his question for a moment before making a decision. "I need at least one warrior to match the strength of whoever guards the place."

Alistair glared at her. He knew Sten would think this mission was foolish and a waste of time, and he did not want to argue with his fellow Warden, but he hated the idea of killing Templars. He almost was one after all!

Seeing the look Alistair was giving her, Maeve moved on. "Or I could bring Mouse. At least he doesn't look at me like _that,_ or question my orders!" She said, feeling and looking quite annoyed.

Alistair sighed. "Fine. Who else?"

"Jowan, obviously. the Leliana. We'll need somebody who can pick locks. We are breaking into a heavily guarded prison, after all." Maeve told him.

" _Don't remind me."_ He groaned. They gathered supplies and potions and Maeve, Leliana, Jowan and Mouse all boarded the little rowboat at the dock. The four barely fit on the vessel, but it stayed afloat and Jowan and Maeve began to row. Jowan was borrowing one of Maeve's old staves and Maeve had her newer staff. Leliana had a bow, a full quiver and several small daggers strapped to her back. As they neared the fort they spotted the other dock, where there was another, larger rowboat tied to the planks, and a lone guard.

"Oi! Who goes there?" he shouted. It was misty down here, and those on land and on the water could not see each other. Jowan looked nervously at Maeve. He was not eager to fight any Templars.

"A Grey Warden, ser. And two companions, and my Mabari hound." Maeve called loudly, keeping her composure as she and Jowan kept rowing.

"State your business, then, Warden." The man called as they rowed in closer. The Templar was squinting, then he spotted Maeve's staff. "Oh, you're a mage. And so is he..." The man raised an eyebrow.

Jowan squirmed before the Templar's gaze. maeve did some quick thinking. She didn't want to endanger Jowan's safety and she knew quite well she possibly had one chance to free Lily without having to fight dozens of Templars, and royally piss off Alistair and the Chantry. More than she already had, of course.

"We are in need of recruits." Maeve said simply. Jowan looked at her questioningly.

"You've come to the wrong place, Grey Warden. The guards are busy and thus off limits, and many of the prisoners have been exposed to blood magic and demons. We cannot release a mage to you who is at risk of becoming an abomination. In fact, we've never released a prisoner. Most who come through these gates stay here until they die, guilty or innocent."

Maeve frowned and she could see the color go out of Jowan's face out of the corner of her eye. "Then give me someone who is not at risk." she said stubbornly.

"We have few mages who make it past their first few days here, Warden. And most of those who do, like I said, stay here for life. We have several prisoners who have been here for years, but we cannot release them even if they are innocent." the guard explained calmly.

"That's terrible." Leliana said solemnly.

"What of non-mages?" Maeve persisted.

"We have only one." the Templar said. "A former Chantry Initiate we all pity. The poor girl fell in love with a blood mage. Who knows, he might have used blood magic to manipulate her...we don't know..."  
Jowan looked unsettled, and Maeve prayed silently that he would stay strong for all of their sakes, Lily's included.

"Would you release her? If she isn't a threat to anyone maybe she could find peace and purpose with us..." The red-haired mage suggested.

"I would gladly check with the Knight Captain who oversees the inmates, but I'm afraid Lily is not in the best state of mind. She takes frequent trips to our healer because she's almost always ill, and unfortunately our healer can do little for the girl. But for some reason, the healer's the only mage she'll let near her. She killed another inmate jus for getting too close. Pushed him down a flight of stairs and ran. Poor lass isn't really that dangerous. Just...terrified."

Maeve looked earnestly up at the Templar, who helped tie the boat. "Let me in to see her. I can help her, ser."

The guard sighed, but then he nodded. "I suppose I can do that, but your fellow mage will have to stay here, along with your hound. See, Lily is much worse with male mages...and our Mabari hounds might turn on yours."

"If you insist, ser. Leliana can come, though, right?" Maeve requested, motioning towards the slender archer who sat behind Jowan on the boat. The Templar nodded.

"Wait here with the dog, lad." The Templar told Jowan. The former blood mage nodded and gripped Mouse's collar.

"We'll let you take the bigger boat back across if you take Lily." the armored man said to Maeve and Leliana as they got off the boat.

As they were led into the fortress they were greeted by four solemn looking Templar guards, who escorted them to an office. The men then left Maeve and Leliana in the office, where there was another Templar behind the desk.  
"The mage is a Grey Warden, Ser Bryce. They're here to take Lily."

"Oh." the taller, older Templar said, atking in the sight of the two young redheaded females before him. "Why, if you don't mind my asking?"  
Maeve looked him in the eyes and said, "She deserves redemption. Just like I did." The Templar who'd shown them in was at a slight loss for words. " _You know her?"_ Maeve nodded in response.

"In a way, I have her to thank for my position with the Grey Wardens. I was conscripted after the...blood mage...she was in love with, ran away. I'm afraid she received the short end of the stick." It pained her to refer to Jowan as a blood mage, because to her he was so much more than that, besides the fact that it was in the past, but she wouldn't refer to him by name with the Templars. It was too risky.

"I'm sensing there is more to your story than meets the eye, young lady." Ser Bryce said softly.

"There probably is, but I doubt you want to hear my life story." she replied.

He chuckled. "Is that a no?"

A humorless chuckle escaped her lips. " _A firm no."_

"Well then." he said with a raised eyebrow. "Good enough for me. I believe Lily is with the healer at present. I will escort you to the clinic. Keep your wits about you, ladies. The veil is very thin here."

Maeve and Leliana nodded to Ser Bryce and the Templar stood up from his chair and led them out of his office and down a corridor, further into the fortress, where the doors were barred and it was darker. There wasn't as much filth as Maeve had expected. It was much less-dungeon like than she'd imagined the infamous Aeonar to be, but as she passed each cell she felt her mana drain a little more. She began to panic as she grew fainter because she had never felt this sensation before. Runes lined the walls. Maeve silently praised the Maker Jowan had stayed behind because she didn't want him to be put through this, nor did she want him to see her like this. She felt lightheaded but she kept walking next to Leliana. They finally reached a door that was not barred, save for a little window with torch light from within, and the Templar Bryce stopped. He knocked on the door and another, lower ranked Templar guard opened the door.

"Ser Bryce. The healer is with Lily at present. I don't think the poor girl will last another week here. She's so sickly." Maeve felt a tinge of guilt and her heart sank. There was a privacy screen across the small room from where they stood. The guard closed the door behind them as they stepped into the room. This was it. But the Maker himself could not have prepared Maeve for what was behind that screen.


	10. Aeonar: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains some...colorful language.  
> Fen'Asha's name translates to "Wolf Woman" in the elvhen tongue.

Out from behind the screen stepped a slender feminine figure wearing thick mage robes covered with a cloak. Her face was angular, with emerald eyes, black hair, and elvhen ears poking through her dark locks. Maeve immediately recognized this woman and the sight of the elf's face made her blood boil.

_Fen'Asha Surana._

But _how?_ "You..." Maeve gaped. The elf gasped as her former classmate and rival looked her dead in the eye.

_"Amell?"_

"You _bitch! You treacherous bitch!"_ Maeve accused. Leliana had to steady the Warden as she lunged forward, still weakened from the runes lining the cells.

"Maeve," whispered the bard. "Is this Surana?" She looked almost as confused as the two Templars by the door. All Amell could manage was a nod, as her face was growing almost as red as her hair.

"You and Jowan would have ruined my home! I couldn't allow that to happen. I had no choice..." Surana paused in her frantic explanation to sigh. "Irving's favor would have been mine, all I had to do was get rid of the competition!"

"You _rat!_ Do you have any idea what Jowan went through after you betrayed us? Do you even care?!" Maeve asked furiously.

"I didn't want him to get hurt, but I wanted to be the best. For the first time in my family's _history_ , an elf could have amounted to **_something!_** " Fen'Asha said, stepping backwards toward the screen.

Maeve stepped closer. " _What? You selfish, narcissistic shrew!_ How could you? Jowan trusted you! He was lucky to escape with his life after you-"

"Look, you're a Warden now, right? You got what you wanted. You're free. And is Jowan safe now?" Fen'Asha asked firmly.

Maeve nodded. "Yes, but he'll never be the same. He's been _tortured._ He has _nightmares-_ and do you think I _wanted_ to be thrust out into a world I have never known and forbidden to return to the only home I had ever known?! Certainly, I wanted freedom, but not like this!"

"I see..." Fen'Asha looked troubled.

"Why are you here, Surana?" Leliana asked.

"I was sent here a few weeks after I told Irving about your plans to escape. I work as a healer." Fen'Asha replied.

"So you aren't a prisoner?" Maeve asked, beginning to calm down ever-so-slightly.

Surana shook her head. "Irving wrote me a _glowing_ recommendation. "

Maeve's blue eyes narrowed and she replied dryly. "Congratulations. You betrayed your only friend just to fuck me over...good to see Irving still values loyalty." The last bit she said sounded even colder than when Surana spoke to her former rival.

Fen'Asha sighed. "Look, I had my reasons. But your reason for coming here is not to pick bones with me, is it? You came about Lily...who has forgiven me, by the way."

Maeve rolled her eyes. " _Good for you."_

"Grey Warden, you should focus on the task at hand, rather than fighting with our healer." Ser Bryce said before either mage could speak again.

"Right. Lily is here?" Maeve questioned. Her normally soft facial expression was still replaced with a frown. Fen'Asha nodded and motioned for Maeve to come behind the screen. Maeve reluctantly followed her former rival behind the screen wall and mentally prepared herself to face what had become of Lily.

On a cot she lay, with her auburn hair tied back. Her listless green eyes stared up at the high ceiling, her delicate, ghostly pale hands resting on her stomach. The girl who had once been slightly curvy, but still very pretty, was now much thinner than Maeve, just skin and bones. Her face which had once been so full of life was now gaunt and pale. It wasn't even full of suffering, she was beyond that. Her expression was blank, almost akin to that of a Tranquil mage. She wore drab commoners' clothing, replacing the extravagant peach colored Chantry robes she'd worn when Maeve had last seen her.

She looked absolutely and utterly broken.

"Lily?" Fen'Asha said softly. There was even a hint of gentleness in her tone. "Someone's here to see you."

Maeve knelt at Lily's side and spoke softly. "Do you remember me, Lily?"

The former initiate's eyes flickered towards Maeve and she nodded. "You were loyal till the end. I'm sorry." Lily looked dazed and she closed her eyes for a moment, and then blinked a few times as if expecting Maeve to go away when she opened them again.

The red haired mage looked puzzled. "I don't understand. Why are _you_ sorry?"

"You're dead. You died because of me. The mages have summoned a demon in your form many times, trying to possess me." Lily sounded hopeless, not even fearful.

Maeve sighed. "Honey, it's me. I was conscripted into the Grey Wardens. The Templars never got a chance to punish me. I am here to get you out of here."  
Amell shook her head, expression soft now.

"I've had this dream many a night. One day I will give in...but _not today!"_ Lily declared through gritted teeth.

"Lily, she's not a demon. It's really Maeve Amell. She's real just as you and I are!" Fen'Asha said reassuringly.

Maeve was angry now. " _You do realize_ that were it not for you, she wouldn't be in this terrible place?!"

Lily raised a frail hand and placed it on Maeve's shoulder. "It is not her fault, my friend. The Maker would have punished me sooner or later...I fell in love with...a _blood mage._ "

Maeve looked pained, but then she sighed it away. "Jowan is no longer a blood mage. He is safe now, and you will be too."

"You cannot help me. He may have been forgiven. He did not ask to be born a mage, but I took _vows! Scorned them, and betrayed my Maker!"  
_ Leliana, who was now kneeling beside Maeve at Lily's side, shook her head. "The Maker spared your life, my dear. That alone gives you a chance at redemption. You should come with us. Help the Wardens..." Then she continued in a whisper so the Templars wouldn't hear, _"Or if you prefer, start a new life."_  
Lily looked Maeve in the eyes.

"Would they let me?"

Maeve nodded. "I don't even think I need to conscript you, honey. Nobody is going to stop me from taking you out of here."

Lily nodded. "What about Jowan?" She asked. "Will I see him again? I don't hate him, you know...just what he did..."

"You will see him when we get out of here. I conscripted him. I also want you to know that it was Jowan who wanted us to come and get you out of here. He didn't want you to stay here, paying for his mistakes. He never meant to hurt you." Maeve explained.

"I'm sorry...I couldn't go with him then, and I'm not sure I can face him now." Lily said softly.

"He's not angry, Lily. He just wants you to be all right. And right now you certainly aren't." Maeve motioned for Leliana to help her and the Warden and her companion lifted Lily to a seated position on the cot and then all the way to her feet.

"Can you walk?" Maeve asked. Lily nodded. "Good, if you need help, let me know. And here, you will need this more than me when we get outside." The mage took off her cloak and placed it gently over Lily's shoulders.

"Thank you." Lily said. Maeve gave her a small, sad smile.

Then she turned to the elvhen mage. "As for you, you're coming with us."

" _What?!"_ Fen'Asha looked shocked, and Maeve recalled the time she'd put a spider in the elf's spellbook when they were pre-teens, and she remembered this as the exact face Surana had made.

"I'm conscripting your arse. You deserve payback for what you did. I won't hurt you, but you'd better believe you've got a rough life ahead of you."

" _Me, a_ _ **Warden?!"**_

_"_ You, a _potential Warden Recruit."_ Maeve corrected her.

"Am I hearing correctly, Grey Warden?" Ser Bryce asked as they rounded the corner with Lily and Fen'Asha. Maeve nodded.

"So you're taking the only mage we have that isn't an abomination lying dormant?" he gaped.

"Yes, Ser." Maeve said sharply.

" _Why,_ may I ask?"

"Do I really need a reason? She's not only a talented mage with an inflated ego _and_ a selfish side, but she owes me big time. She'll thank me later, Ser Bryce. And _trust me, so will you."_ A chuckle with a suspicious lack of humor escaped her lips.

"Right. No need to conscript her then." the Knight Captain said softly in response to Maeve's fierce explanation. Fen'Asha looked genuinely betrayed and hurt.

" _Oh, she's conscripted."_ Maeve said coldly.

"Maeve, are you sure? You said Fen'Asha betrayed you and Jowan. Not to mention Lily, who got the worst of it all," Leliana began.

"She did what she apparently _had_ to do. _So I'm doing what I have to do."_ Maeve snapped.

"So you're recruiting me all for personal revenge?" Fen'Asha asked.

Maeve sighed."It's not just for my satisfaction. You may think I just want to see you miserable, but that's not true. We need more Wardens, and seeing as though you and I were always neck and neck when it came to talent, I _do_ see _potential_ in you as a mage. But don't let that bit of praise go to your head. Like I said, you've a rough life ahead of you."

"That was _praise?_ " Fen'Asha asked.

"Ladies, I will see you out." Ser Bryce said. "You may row the larger boat across the moat. But you should go. I am sure you will have much to... _figure out_ , amongst yourselves."

With a nod, Maeve began to lead the others towards the exit. Leliana placed her hand on Lily's shoulder as the former initiate's steps began to falter. "I don't know if I can do this." Lily whimpered faintly. Maeve turned back, and so did Fen'Asha, who had been walking silently beside her former rival.

"You'll be all right, Lily. I'll stay right by your side, okay?" Surana said softly. Lily nodded and Maeve even looked a little less fierce as she watched her old classmate tenderly take the deathly pale initiate's hand in her own and she and Leliana walked alongside her on either side. Maeve silently thanked Fen'Asha for swallowing her pride. She only wished she could have swallowed her own.


	11. At Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character death in this chapter! Get ready for some feelz!

The group was silent as they moved down the corridor towards the door from which Maeve and Leliana had entered.

"Thank you, Ser Bryce." Lily said softly as the Templars opened the door for them. Fen'Asha put the hood up on her own cloak and then she helped Lily with hers, without letting go of her hand. Then the four women strode out of the prison. Jowan and Mouse stood on the dock, awaiting them.

Fen'Asha now let go of Lily's hand and put her arm over her fragile charge's shoulder. "You can do this," She whispered as Lily began to cry softly.

Maeve nodded to Jowan as he approached his former lover with a soft, guilt-ridden expression.

"Oh, Lily... _I am_ _so sorry!_ You never should have been sent here... this wasn't supposed to happen, not for my mistakes..." he said, becoming more and more upset as Lily stepped closer into his view.

"I am just as much to blame as you, Jowan. _I broke my vows._ You were just...trying to free yourself. The system is so broken...I have had a great deal of time to think it through." Lily spoke softly. She sounded exhausted and hurt, but she had blinked away the stray tears she had allowed to fall when she saw Jowan again. The former initiate took the hood off and Jowan gasped, quickly realizing the extent of the change Lily had undergone due to the months she'd spent at Aeonar.

" _Maker, what have they done to you_?!" He cried.

"Don't fret, Jowan. They never laid a hand on me." She said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Fen'Asha stepped back to allow them some space, but that was when Jowan noticed her. "Fen'Asha, _what are you doing here?!"_ Jowan asked, furrowing his dark brow.

Maeve spoke coldly to him. "I conscripted her. She is going to help put this right."

Jowan's jaw dropped, and Mouse nuzzled his hand, but he was so in shock he didn't even notice the large hound's touch. "You _what?"_

"Look," Fen'Asha said, expression softening when she gazed upon her former classmate and the one person who ever seemed to care about her at the Tower. "My intention wasn't to hurt you, it was to make Maeve look bad. I'm sorry."

"And what are Lily and I, side effects of your selfishness? You say you're sorry, well, you're going to have to do better than that." Jowan replied after a moment of shocked silence.

" _Am I not allowed to have regrets?!"_ Fen'Asha asked angrily. Then Maeve and Jowan exchanged glances. Maeve nodded, closing her eyes. They'd reached an understanding, and with time, hopefully they would do the same with their old classmate.

"We all make mistakes, Surana. At least now you'll be taking responsibility for your own. Not Lily. Or Jowan." Maeve said just loudly enough so they could hear her over the wind.

"Can we get Lily someplace warm, Amell? As soon as possible? She needs to rest and she is frail." Surana asked. Jowan nodded in agreement. He took off his outer cloak and draped it over Lily's shoulders on top of the one she was already wearing.

She began to protest."Thank you, Jowan, but-"

"Shhh. I will live, my robes are thick." He said as he gave her a small reassuring smile. She nodded. Then Leliana, who had been silent for quite some time, spoke to Maeve.

"We should take her to a village, or someplace safe, ma cherie. The road we travel is no place for someone in her fragile condition."

"You're right," replied the Warden. "But we have to get to the others first. Alistair should know of the nearest village where we can all rest."

Leliana nodded and the three mages boarded the boat, followed by Mouse and then Leliana gently helped Lily aboard the vessel. As Leliana and Maeve rowed, Jowan, Lily, and Surana sat in silence and contemplated how the day had gone. It could have gone worse, but alas, the worst was yet to come.

As the boat neared the dock Alistair approached them and he and Zevran tied the vessel. "So I'm guessing this is Lily?" The former Templar asked. Jowan and Maeve nodded, but then Alistair asked, "And who is _this?"_ He was referring to Fen'Asha. The elvhen mage looked him dead in the eyes.

"I'm Fen'Asha Surana, and no matter what Amell and Jowan have said about me, I am not a bad person. I just made a mistake...a big one."

Alistair's eyes narrowed. "Great. Another one. You aren't a blood mage too, are you?" he asked.

"I have never used any forbidden spells, no. I am a healer, but I also practice primal magic, although I've never really had to fight." Fen'Asha replied. Maeve stepped off the boat and turned to help Leliana get Lily onto the dock safely.

"I conscripted her. When we can perform it again she will undergo the Joining and become a Warden." Amell explained to Alistair.

"What about Jowan?" Wynne asked, as she had walked up as Fen'Asha introduced herself. "You conscripted him, won't he become a Warden, too?"

"I will not discuss that right now. Wynne, you remember Lily?" Maeve replied with a hint of irritability in her tone.

"Yes, but the poor girl looks half dead! Let's get her warmed up and fed!" Wynne said, eyeing Lily sadly. They made their way back to camp slowly and Leliana and Fen'Asha sat Lily down on a log near the campfire. Maeve placed a thick blanket over the cloaks on Lily's shoulders and the girl quickly wrapped the clothes and the blanket around herself and sat there, bundled as could be while Wynne and Leliana cooked the stew over the fire. Maeve sat down next to her, after she put another cloak on herself to replace the one she'd given to Lily.

Jowan looked at Lily with a troubled expression in his features and came over and sat on the other side of her from Maeve.

"So," Lily said softly. "You're not a blood mage anymore, Maeve told me?"

Jowan shook his head. "I haven't used blood magic since that day..." he said, hesitantly.

Lily smiled at him for the first time since they had been lovers and there was a sad sparkle in her emerald eyes that showed something akin to hope. "Good. Then perhaps the Maker has truly spared you after all."

"Lily, he has spared you too!" Jowan cried. "You should let go of the past! You don't deserve for it to haunt you a moment longer!"

Maeve was saddened as Lily shook her fragile head, her deathly thin body quivering. "I cannot forget what I cannot forgive." Lily said softly.

Jowan looked confused now, and more troubled and devastated than ever.

"Don't worry, my dearest mage. I no longer blame you. My actions were my own. Those are the ones I can never forgive. Perhaps the Maker can." Lily closed her eyes, her lips even paler now, nearly matching the ghostly white shade of her once rosy cheeks.

Nobody had anticipated the initiate to collapse before the fire, Jowan and Maeve both cried out as she landed dangerously close to the flames. Rushing over, Wynne and Fen'Asha both cried out her name and Leliana was right behind them. Jowan gathered her into his arms, shaky and unsure though he was, and Lily's eyes opened, but she was paler than ever now.

"Lily, please, stay strong! You aren't beyond hope, you have to hang on!" He pleaded.

"I let go a long time ago, Jowan...but now I know you are in good hands...you're safe...loved..." the frail girl's words faltered now and tears streamed down Jowan's cheeks as she seemed to drift in and out of the world of the living like a leaf blowing in an autumn breeze.

Maeve knelt at her side next to Jowan but could find no words to comfort either of them.

"Lily, shhh..." Jowan reached for her hand and she took his, weakly.

"Don't fret, Jowan. There is nothing that can save me now but the Maker's love and Andraste's mercy..." she said between labored breaths.

"No, please, don't give up, Lily, please!" Jowan pleaded.

"Maeve, promise me you will look after Jowan better than I could have...I know he is a good man..." Lily coughed and was beginning to gasp for breath. "I loved him...until the end."

Then the fragile and forlorn Chantry initiate took her final breath, then closed her eyes for the last time. Jowan stroked her cheek, and those around them could have sworn that because of this, her last breath was released with the faintest of smiles on her face.

Jowan gaped for a moment at her lifeless form in his arms and Maeve placed two fingers on Lily's throat, however, before she realized there was no pulse, she knew the troubled girl was gone. Once the fact was confirmed, Maeve shook her head.  
"She's gone, Jowan. I'm so sorry." She wiped away tears of her own and Jowan nodded, beginning to sob. Alistair stood just on the other side of the campfire now.

" _What happened?!"_ He asked.

Jowan stood up, gathering Lily's body and holding it for a moment. Alistair knew right away from the devastated look on Jowan's face not to belittle the mage at this time. "I...don't believe it...I knew she wasn't well off, but...I didn't think she'd..." Leliana elbowed Alistair in the ribs as hard as she could as she stepped back to give those by the fire more space.

Jowan shook his head and placed Lily's remains in the snow gently. He sobbed as he neatened her hair, pulling it away from her delicate face, and he rested her hands on her abdomen. Then Fen'Asha took off her cloak, and did what Maeve did not have the strength to do. She placed the cloak over the body, and covered Lily's fragile face.

Even Alistair looked mournful as Jowan walked away. Not towards the tents but out into the wilderness, Maeve and Leliana exchanged glances, and the after a brief pause, Maeve sprang up and jogged to catch up with Jowan.


	12. New Light in Mourning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the chapter title...I'm so punny!

It didn't take her long to catch up with her exhausted and devastated childhood friend. Maeve nearly tripped over his trembling form, as after the mages had gotten out of sight of the others and Jowan realized he was being followed, he ran. He ran until he collapsed into a deep snow bank, and he lay there, sobbing, until Maeve slipped on some slick snow and nearly fell right on top of him.

Once she got her bearings she sat up and brushed crystals of what was now literally ice falling out of the sky from her gingery hair. "Jowan…" Her hand found its way to his shoulder and she applied gentle pressure until he raised his head slightly.

"Maeve, how can I live with this? My selfishness cost Lily her life!" He cried, as Maeve threw her arms around him and held him tenderly. He clung to her as if his life depended on it, shivering in the frigid and howling breeze.

"You will be all right. It's not going to be easy, but I'm here. I'm with you every step of the way. I won't abandon you, ever. I promise." She tried soothing him with her words, her voice low and her tone gentle as she rubbed his shoulders to try and help him warm up. Soon, however, she was mumbling things, all reassurances, into his ears, no longer knowing or caring what she was saying. She just had to be there, to comfort him, and stand by his side when nobody else would. That was what he had always done for her, and so now she refused to let the man she loved suffer alone or in silence.

They stayed in a village the next few nights. Lily's remains were cremated on a pyre the first morning they arrived in the little town just a few miles from Orzammar.

Maeve had asked that the Chantry in the village perform the funeral, of course, with the assurance that she was a Grey Warden and she and the mages in her midst had permission to be outside the Circle. This made Jowan nervous and it made the Templars watch them closely, for perhaps the first time since they had been at the Tower. Even Maeve was on edge at Lily's funeral. After a part of the Chant of Light was recited by the village's revered Mother, Alistair joined the other Templars as they said the words;

" _Ashes we were and ashes we become. May you rest at the Maker's side evermore."_

Then Jowan plucked up all his courage and asked Maeve if he could say something as the pyre was lit. Maeve took his hand and led him to the Revered Mother and the old woman gave Jowan a sad, soft smile. "Of course, young man. I think Lily would like that."  
Jowan fought back tears. This woman spoke to him as if he were a small child mourning a dead pet. But he nodded. He was careful with his speech as he did not want to give these Chantry folk reason to hate Lily or curse her name, despite what she had done. _For him_.

"They say those who pass from this world to the next go to the Maker's side, and that He can show the mercy mortals sometimes cannot. I know that bit must be true, because the Maker spared my life, when others would not have. I can only pray it works the same way for a soul. Because no mortal is without sin. Lily was courageous, she was beautiful, and she loved me despite my own flaws..." He paused, choking up, and Maeve squeezed his hand gently, whispering into his ear.

"You're doing great, Jowan." She offered him a sympathetic smile and reached up towards his face and wiped away some tears.

Then Jowan continued. "I didn't realize how horrible it is to think that you caused the end of someone's life, until it happened to me…though I am not directly responsible for Lily's death, I can never forgive myself, because I could have prevented it. Had I come sooner, been faster, or stronger for her, had I not made so many mistakes that broke her heart…Lily would still be alive and with us today. Smiling and helping people, and sharing the Maker's love with us all. Thank you." Jowan wasn't sure how he had held himself together for this long, but he began to sob again. Maeve had to help him off the podium, an arm around him with a cloak draped over his shoulder.

The pyre was lit, and Jowan couldn't bear to watch the man with the torch set what was once so precious to him to flames. He watched the burning silently, however. He felt he owed Lily the consideration to stay with her until she was nothing more than ashes. So he stayed. Maeve stood with him, quietly and faithfully. The events of the past few days getting to her tear ducts. She cried her fill on Jowan's shoulder after having stayed strong for him the entire day. Then the Revered Mother came over to them and cast Jowan a kind smile, her aged features similar to Wynne's.

"Your fellow Grey Warden told me everything." Jowan looked shocked and betrayed. Alistair and his big, fat mouth. Jowan would have set Alistair's trousers on fire, but the man was no place to be seen. Then the fear swept over Maeve's face. Jowan felt a pinch of guilt in the pit of his stomach. That fear was of losing him. Of the Templars taking him because he was a maleficar, and because he was to blame for Lily's death. But the Revered Mother's kind face told a story of its own.

"You are a good young man, Jowan. Earnest. Gentle. The Templars of our village have been watching you, of course. They must watch all mages in their midst, Grey Warden or no. But you show traits very uncommon for a blood mage, or even an apostate."

Jowan was about to speak, his expression utterly terrified. The Mother remained calm. "Be at ease, lad. Alistair told _me_ everything. Not the Templars. All they know is you are a mage among the Warden's companions. Whether you actually join the Order is none of my business. You have been conscripted and with the Wardens you shall stay. The situation with Lily was very unfortunate. But I do believe in time you will recover from your hurt and your troubles. You will learn from your past, and you will find peace."

Jowan relaxed. Maeve was still standing by his side, a watchful eye out for any Templars that might be around, who might want trouble. But they stood alert, _on the other side of the room._ Maeve let out a sigh.

"And you, my dear," the Revered Mother said softly to Maeve. "You are so very young, and yet you have seen so much. I can see it in the way you treat him, your kind nature, and your tenderness towards him. You love this man. He may have made mistakes and you may even have been angry at him for them, and angry at the world, but you love him, and one day, love will conquer all."

"Thank you, your Reverence." Maeve bowed her head, and Jowan did the same.

The Mother nodded and smiled, glancing down at the pair's joined hands and intertwined fingers.

"Young love is rare, true love is even rarer. When you have found it, you must hold on to it, lest it slip out of your grasp. You should rest now, both of you. The trials of today were minuscule in comparison to the challenges you will face in the months to come. Go, now. With my blessing, and that of the Maker."

And so they did.


End file.
